The opening sequence begins with our anti-hero Torque in prison playing chess.Ĭ: Ohhh, that must be our brooding hero. T: Might as well call easy the “girl” difficulty.Ĭ: Shut up! Besides, I don’t think girls were their primary target demographic here. I’m not starting out on anything called “nightmare”. ‘Cause you are easy.Ĭ: Went straight for that shit. Oh my God, what is that? Who thought up this game? I mean, look at that thing! Whoever it is, they’re fucking disturbed. Christy pipes in occasionally and it goes something like this:Ĭ: Oh, God. What follows is about two straight minutes of horrific sounds and imagery. Sounds like a very happy, sunny game.Ĭ: Are there puppies? Christy is looking warily at me and holding the Xbox controller like it was a bag of two-headed gorgons spitting fire instead of a hunk of plastic.Ĭ: Hmm. I stealthily walk over and obscure the game I’m holding. The Suffering: Ties That Bind for Microsoft Xbox As always, what follows is the actual transcript of her first (and most likely only) play through of this game. The game in question this month is The Suffering: Ties That Bind. Therefore, for the amusement of all you readers out there, I chose “a” for her. If you chose “b”, than you’re my wife, Christy.
If you had the choice, which of the following would you rather do?:Ī) Escape from a blood-soaked prison using various weapons to blow away demons spawned seemingly directly from hell, orī) Skip through golden meadows with your companions Fluffy the Bunny and Happy the Unicorn searching for rainbows and friendship.